Stop them before it’s too late.

Police in Canada says it will be punishing drunk drivers by not only arresting them, but forcing them to listen to corporate boy band Nickelback on the way to the cop shop.

A Facebook post from the Kensington Police Department of Prince Edward Island warns would-be partiers in the Great White North to avoid getting behind the wheel tipsy, lest they be caught, booked and serenaded by the 21st century’s discount Bon Jovi.

26 October 2016 · Comments Off on Bombe de Terre · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

When a potato is a pineapple:

“I picked a potato and it was heavy,” she told France Bleu. “I thought that’s weird, it must be a rock, then tapped it on the table and said to myself ‘yes that’s a stone’ so I put it aside.”

She carried on her cooking as normal and it was only when her husband came home and ran the “rock” under the tap that they discovered it was in fact a grenade from 1917.

20 October 2016 · Comments Off on Alternative Realities (Updated) · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe, Political Theatre

As I have mentioned here from time to time, I do not watch debates. I refuse to spend two hours watching something I can read about in 15 minutes the next morning. Nevertheless, I do pay attention to politics; you may have noticed that. (This year, of course, there’s the extra added end-of-the-this-noble-experiment-this-is-it-this-is-the-big-one-I’m-coming-to-join-you-Elizabeth factor.)

This morning, my local rag carried an interview with some persons who attended last night’s debate at a local movie theatre. I offer, without further comment, a quotation from one of them (emphasis added):

Across the aisle and up a few rows, retired chef Ken Sherwood said he favored Trump because he’s a businessman who understands how to create jobs.

“Being a businessman myself, I appreciate his discipline,” Sherwood said.

Addendum, A Picture Is Worth Dept.

Trump's Success Story.  Trump quotation:  I'm the best businessman in the world because I know how to negotiate.  List of Trump

Image via Michael in Norfolk, who has citations.

14 October 2016 · Comments Off on “Clowns to the Left of Me, Jokers Clowns to the Right of Me” · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

American exports seem to be doing well. For example . . . .

A motorist in Nes, south-eastern Norway, called the police at around 8.30pm after a person in a clown suit came running at their car waving a hockey stick.

“The person who called us was sitting behind the wheel with two children in the car when [what appeared to be] a man in a clown mask popped up in a ditch,” police officer Patrick Solberg told local newspaper Romerikes Blad.

When police arrived at the scene they found that the culprit was in fact a 14-year-old boy.

“He and four friends had done this together. The other four stood watching while they filmed the stunt,” Solberg told TV2.

Follow the story for more examples of United States exports.

13 October 2016 · Comments Off on “Fly the Friendly Skies” · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

The closest I ever got to this was flying Jefferson Airplane because it gets you there on time.

According to media reports the Transavia (a discount subsidiary of Air France) hostess would often frolic with other members of the crew, even on the plane during working hours.

She would also have sex with pilots in the cockpit even during flight, the reports claimed.

The hostess apparently kept a digital diary detailing the ins and outs of all her “mile-high” extra-marital affairs. They should have remained a secret until her husband for found the diary and blew his top.

I once had a coworker who told me of accidentally walking into the wrong hotel room in a large U. S. city in a western state that begins with the letter “U” to find himself beholding a flight crew that was indulging in a little post-arrival recreation. I remember his saying, “The stewardesses (that’s how long ago this was–they were still called “stewardesses”) were down to their bras.”

No, he didn’t tell me what airline. The crew was out of uniform.

03 October 2016 · Comments Off on Sky King Was a Television Show . . . · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe, Culture Warriors

. . . not an alternative universe.

Words fail me.


Nothing causes me to question my faith more than the antics of believers.

Matthew 6:5.

28 September 2016 · Comments Off on Stray Question · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

Did anyone really believe that “the five second rule” was indeed a “rule”?

20 September 2016 · Comments Off on “Go Do That Voodoo That You Do So Well” · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

He had been banned for the store (what, one wonders, must one do to be banned from a doughnut shop?), so he decided to spread his spell . . . .

A man at a popular downtown donut shop found himself in a sticky situation early Sunday morning, literally covered in a “sticky white food substance” after being accused of painting the store with it.

Ean Mandrake Card, 20, had been banned from Voodoo Donuts, but Eugene police said that he returned around 6:45 a.m. Sunday to smear what appeared to be marshmallow creme on the store’s patio furniture and windows.

18 September 2016 · Comments Off on Distracted Driving · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe, Words Fail Me

Maybe they should have stuck to texting.

11 September 2016 · Comments Off on “Don’t Go There” · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

Dale Hartley cites several cities where sight-seers are sometimes seized with syndromes.

11 September 2016 · Comments Off on “Free To a Good Home” · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

The Undomesticated.

08 September 2016 · Comments Off on Signs of the Times · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

(Link fixed.)

Because they don’t pay attention to them anyway.

04 September 2016 · Comments Off on Inclownpetent · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe

No doubt you’ve noticed that the evil clowns are back. At Psychology Today Blogs, Robert Bartholomew grapples with the phenomenon. A snippet:

Since the early 80s, there have been several localized rumor-panics in North America and Europe involving sightings of phantom clowns attempting to kidnap children. They have also been referred to as Killer Clowns and Kidnapping Clowns. At first glance, it would be tempting to think that there may be a group of criminals dressing up as clowns. Yet, when you examine the reports, a curious trend appears: they are almost never caught, and vanish into the shadows. There is also a lack of tangible evidence. All police have to go on is eyewitness testimony, which is notoriously unreliable, especially given that most witnesses are children. Another curious fact is that the children always seem to get away. The clowns appear totally incompetent.

29 August 2016 · Comments Off on Snakes on a Plain · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe, Words Fail Me

Do you want your snake back? Call this number . . . .

An 8-foot-long snake — possibly a python or a boa constrictor — was rounded up in a park west of the Twin Cities and is awaiting either its owner to step forward or a new place to call home.

Humans are the stupidest people.

29 August 2016 · Comments Off on Revelation · Categories: Beyond Beyond the Fringe, Culture Warriors

Zebra:  to Croc:  Why are you all dressed up?  Croc:  Crocs start

Click for the original image.