“Eeewwwww! Cooties.”

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From the stuff you can’t make up department: In Florida, some lawyers have got their briefs all in a twist.

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One more time, teach yourself that the internet is a public place.

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What’s with all the television mystery series’ ending their seasons with cliffhangers?

Do the big brains at the studios seriously expect that, at our Fourth of July picnics, we’ll be wondering how the September (or October or maybe even November after the college football season) opening episode of “Life in the Fast Lane” will pull our heroes back from the edge of the cliff or, for that matter, we’ll remember it at all?

Furrfu.

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14 May 2015 · Comments Off on Twits on Twitter · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

You can’t make this stuff up twits.

As the Emperor Augustine is reputed to have said when presented with something too stupid for words, “Words fail me. Nothing I can say can express the depths of my feelings on this matter.”

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13 May 2015 · Comments Off on Braintrust, Bushie Style · Categories: Political Theatre, Too Stupid for Words

Jeb Bush and his closest advisors:  Environment--Yogi Bear.  Economy, Dopey the Dwarf.  Science--Wile E. Coyote.  Foreign Policy, President George the Worst.

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06 May 2015 · Comments Off on Empty Suit · Categories: Culture Warriors, Too Stupid for Words

Honest to Pete, you can’t make this stuff up.

Hate does have a way of devolving into stupid.

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06 May 2015 · Comments Off on Secret Lives · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

As Frank Zappa said, “Plastic People, you’re such a drag.”

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06 May 2015 · Comments Off on Facebook Frolics · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

Status Update: Nabbed.

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03 May 2015 · Comments Off on Mind the Gap · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

My ex was a nurse. Whenever she was a patient and had to wear a hospital gown, she would always grab two and wear one frontwards, the other backwards.

This summer, Methodist Hospital in St. Louis Park will join a select group of medical centers that are trying to close the dreaded gluteal gap patients get with most hospital gowns.

Beyond complaints about flimsy materials and faded colors, patients in focus groups have told the hospital they feel exposed with current gowns — in ways that promote an unnecessarily hierarchical relationship with caregivers.

For some fool reason (as my mother would have said), they need a study to confirm that persons don’t like walking around with their rear ends hanging out on public display.

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01 May 2015 · Comments Off on Hitting the Fan · Categories: Mammon, Too Stupid for Words

Honest to Betsy (Pete’s off on assignment), you can’t make this stuff up.

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29 April 2015 · Comments Off on Facebook Frolics · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

Pedantic” has negative connotations for a reason.

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26 April 2015 · Comments Off on Holy Security Theatre, Batman! · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

Your security farces at work:

Guess what superhero-like weapons TSA agents confiscated from a passenger’s carry-on bag at Charlotte Douglas International Airport this week?

Three batarangs, those roughly bat-shaped throwing weapons used by Batman.

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18 April 2015 · Comments Off on Facebook Frolics · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

You’ve been served.

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08 April 2015 · Comments Off on Just Good Clean Fraternal Fun · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

It’s not the beer; it’s the brotherhood.

In a terrible miscalculation, a Louisiana State University fraternity entrusted four underage members to transport its massive beer and booze cache from Baton Rouge to sunny Gulf Shores, Alabama, where the collegians this week are celebrating spring break.

They got pulled over for expired tags and their fortunes went downhill from there.

Follow the link for the inventory of their cargo. I’ve been to bars that keep less stock on hand.

(On second thought, it’s the beer.)

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07 April 2015 · Comments Off on Facebook Frolics · Categories: Mammon, Too Stupid for Words

Nobody believes in your cause? Advertize for protestors on Facebook!

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06 April 2015 · Comments Off on The Voter Fraud Fraud · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

Shaun Mullen thinks he may have uncovered that rarest of the rare things, an actual case of voter fraud.

Afterthought:

This was likely nothing more than a mistake. Then, again, it could be part of a campaign to make his brother look like “the smart one.”

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02 April 2015 · Comments Off on Signal 30* · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

Someone once defined an “auto accident” as an event which causes passers-by to drive cautiously for the next 15 minutes.

______________

*Signal 30 was a similar strategy from an earlier time. I predict that this effort will be as successful as that one, that is, a complete and utter failure.

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28 March 2015 · Comments Off on “He Must Be High on Something, Someone Said” · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

The lust of the media to make make up myths about kids’ getting high on weird stuff that no one is actually getting high on mystifies many.

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28 March 2015 · Comments Off on Pot Luck · Categories: Too Stupid for Words

Heh.

A Michigan man who thought he was having a stroke was hospitalized this week after eating several pot brownies that were baked by his teenage daughter, police report.

(snip)

The victim’s 17-year-old daughter told cops that she left the brownies out because she did not think anyone in her family would touch them (the girl was apparently unaware of the deep affinity middle-age men have to such unattended sweets).

Back in my younger days, I had one guiding principle: Don’t do something stupid and you won’t get caught.

Kids.

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