No, not the science fiction story. This:

The summer school students plopped down on an orange mat and listened as teacher Elizabeth Fraley read aloud to them from a book. As she pointed out different animals, they took turns pinning the lion and polar bear pictures on a corkboard.

They had already gone through parts of a book – front cover, back cover, spine – as they sat outside on the grass in Santa Monica. People walked by with their dogs. One floated past on a hoverboard.

The children, ranging in age from 3½ to 5, were engaged in more serious pursuits. They were at KinderPrep, a $1,000, weeklong boot camp designed to prepare them for the rigors of kindergarten.

Words fail me.

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Whoops.

Subscribers to the AuroraWatch UK mailing list were sent a “Red Alert” yesterday; informing them that it would be possible to view the aurora borealis from anywhere in the UK.

Unfortunately, this extraordinary alert was withdrawn just four hours later when it was discovered that a groundskeeper driving a sit-on lawnmower had disturbed the readings of a local magnetometer.

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12 August 2016 · Comments Off on But Wait! There’s More! · Categories: Words Fail Me

Now! at Donald’s Discount Emporium.

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21 June 2016 · Comments Off on TSA Security Theatre · Categories: Too Stupid for Words, Words Fail Me

Send in the clowns.

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11 June 2016 · Comments Off on Life Imitates Art · Categories: Wingnuttery, Words Fail Me

Eric Blumberg remembers Ionesco’s The Leader.

One of Ionesco’s least known works is The Leader, a short play about the anticipated arrival of The Leader. During the play, the Announcer broadcasts everything The Leader is doing prior to his onstage appearance. At last, The Leader comes on stage whereupon one of the cast notices he doesn’t have a head. Yet, this abnormality makes no difference to his followers since they know “he’s got genius.” The play also includes a secondary theme, which ultimately points to society’s inability to communicate effectively.

Follow the link to see what brought it to mind.

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23 May 2016 · Comments Off on No Beauties Need Apply · Categories: Words Fail Me

You can’t make this stuff up.

This, by the by, is nothing new.

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10 May 2016 · Comments Off on Backfire, the Law Doesn’t Apply to Me Dept. · Categories: The New Secesh, Words Fail Me

The best-laid plans of mice and militants gang aft agley.

Ammon Bundy led the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge intending to force a civil court to take up the constitutionality of federal land management policy, his lawyers contend in new court papers filed Monday.

He had expected the government to issue an eviction or ejection claim instead of arresting and indicting the occupiers on federal charges in criminal court.

The oddest bit in the story is this (emphasis added):

His (Ammon Bundy’s–ed.) lawyers assert that Bundy isn’t a member of any militia, isn’t an extremist and doesn’t hold anti-government views — underlining each contention in bold type in their 33-page motion and memorandum filled with lengthy footnotes. (The story goes on to recite wingnut babble about “Fed-rul overreach.”)

I can’t speak to the bit about “militia” (I suspect this boils down to “not having a membership card”), but, as regards the other two contentions, I fear actions doth drowneth out words.

The sky-is-purple level chutzpah, though, merits admiration.

Afterthought:

I am nonplussed at the ability of wingnuts to convince themselves that carrying miniature copies of the Constitution of the United States of America in their shirt pockets, to be whipped out and misinterpreted at the slightest provocation, magickally mystickally morphs sedition into patriotism.

There’s no delusion like self-delusion.

It’s the best delusion there is.

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04 May 2016 · Comments Off on Style over Substance Something or Other · Categories: Political Theatre, Words Fail Me

Now that Ted Cruz is off the island, I reckon that the Republican Party is now officially the reality show party, which prompts the question, is the Republican Party most akin to Survivor or Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo?

I’m voting for Honey Boo-Boo.

Will Bunch tries to figure it out. Here’s a bit from his post (follow the link for the rest):

Tomorrow’s newspapers will be chock full of analyses about how Trump nailed down the Republican nomination in Indiana, but that’s not even the real import of the astonishing thing that has just happened. The Republican Party, in its desperation to “unify” and salvage something, anything, for the November election, not just nominated but “normalized” a would-be president whose casual embrace of goon violence at his overheated rallies, whose toxic spew of insults or hate policies towards women, immigrants, or Muslims never seems to stop, and whose embrace of harmful conspiracy theories from vaccines to President Obama’s birth certificate has already made a mockery of America around the world. What Indiana really did is put a seal of approval on a scary, not-good, horrible chapter in our politics and our history.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

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01 May 2016 · Comments Off on Q. Why Did Computers Become Popular? · Categories: Words Fail Me

A. Men are pigs.

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22 April 2016 · Comments Off on Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Glorious Spam · Categories: Words Fail Me

Yes, Virginia, there is a new Spam Museum.

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27 March 2016 · Comments Off on Great Moments in Proofreading · Categories: Words Fail Me

From today’s local rag:

Scan of wedding announcement stating that someone "severed as best man.:"

More »

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12 March 2016 · Comments Off on Schools of Fools · Categories: Words Fail Me

One more time, is there a special stupid test you have to pass to be a school administrator?

Aside:

Honor Roll for second graders? Really?

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09 March 2016 · Comments Off on Great Moments in Adspeak · Categories: Words Fail Me

Free admission? Really?

Like they’re going to turn away customers?

Full Disclosure:

This is an excellent local merchant whom we patronize when it’s time for spring and fall planting. Nevertheless, I just couldn’t let the adspeak slip by.

Flyer for garden center advertising free admission to a "show" which is really a sale.

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29 February 2016 · Comments Off on Flack the Children · Categories: Mammon, Too Stupid for Words, Words Fail Me

We have a polity assemblage that believes in magic demands the government provide services while simultaneously refusing to pay for them.

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23 February 2016 · Comments Off on Public Eructation · Categories: Words Fail Me

You can’t make this stuff up.

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